Confessions of an Emotional Eater

Have you ever had a secret that was too shameful to share, that it started to take over your life?

This happened to me, and it almost ended tragically.

I could begin with how it all started in my childhood, but since this is an article and not a book, I will try to keep it brief.

The WildFit Challenge

It’s been three years since I first did The WildFit Challenge. At the time, I thought I was healthy, but thought maybe I could learn a couple of things and tweak my diet.

I was so wrong.

Actually, the most significant part of The WildFit Challenge is focused around your food psychology and your emotional relationship with food.

Eating healthy is actually not that complex. You should eat a variety of vegetables, fruit in periods, a few nuts, and some animal protein once in a while.

It really is that simple.

The challenge is to eat healthy in a world where addictive junk food and sugar is all around us.

Although I started feeling physically stronger, I knew that there was something wrong.

Emotionally I was not okay, but I was not ready to deal with it, or share it with anyone. I was too shameful to show how weak and pathetic I felt.

Looking back, I realize I stuffed those feelings in a box and placed it as far back in my mind as possible, then continued the Challenge as if nothing was wrong.

It worked… for a while.

I finished the Challenge, and felt physically strong. I had my dream body with muscles and 10% body fat. I felt energized and excited.

Unfortunately, deep down, these feelings I had hidden away started to poison my mind.

I knew that there was something wrong with me, but I couldn’t figure out why.

I became more and more frustrated and anxious.

My darkest thoughts and worries (especially financially), started spinning out of control. They were even infiltrating my dreams.

No matter what I did, I couldn’t escape them, and became a prisoner in my own mind.

I remember one time, I was sitting down to read a novel. I opened the book and started reading. At least, I tried.

I couldn’t focus. The words where unclear, nothing would stick, and I couldn’t understand a thing. It was so noisy in my mind, that I couldn’t even get through this easy read.

In an act of desperation, I started eating chocolate and consuming energy drinks.

And in a strange way it worked, but only temporarily.

I hadn’t had sugar for such a long time, that it gave me a massive rush. It fried my brain, and for a moment, gave me a break from all the dark thoughts. My body would feel terrible after, but it gave me a relief from the chaos in my head.

This went on for about two years. I tried to keep up the perfect facade and faked that everything was fine.

When no one was watching, I would self-medicate with sugar.

In March 2018, my life almost had a tragic ending. I was certain that if nothing changed, something terrible would happen.

Luckily, the increasing frequency of suicidal thoughts scared me so much that I finally reached out for help.

Recovery

Thankfully I got professional help just in time. This year has been about recovery, healing and building a healthier relationship with my emotions.

One thing I did was to set my food-bar so low, that it was impossible for me to fail. I needed some victories. Over time, I’ve slowly raised the bar.

I’ve managed to eat healthier this way, but I still struggled with sugar. When I got really frustrated or stressed out, I would revert back to  the self-medicating with it. I was ashamed, because I’m the WildFit Coach who has guided over two thousand clients through their health transformation. Why couldn’t I do something about my own addiction?

I felt too embarrassed to ask for help from any other coaches, because I was afraid they would lose all respect for me. I know that’s ridiculous, because any good coach or therapist should be able to see your blind spots.

Finally, I decided to do the Challenge again and properly from the beginning. I teamed up with my brother and our partners who both wanted to do it.

We are now in week 5, and what an incredible experience.

I now have zero cravings for sugar or junk food. For the first time in a very long time, I have my brain back and am able to focus.

There is nothing that tastes better than true health!

For the first time in my life, I’m genuinely experiencing food freedom and proud to just be myself.

If you’re struggling emotionally or with your health, please reach out for help. This can be professional or just within your family or community. It makes all the difference!